Day 55, just like I promised

Well, here I am again, just a couple of hours later.

Today I have my band concert, and it gives me a chance to get a day off. Good timing too. I just got my scores back from the ever dreaded Exit level final exams (the ones that determine if I graduate) I'm happy to say that I passed with flying colors., even the dreaded math.

However, everything in my life: The exit level scores, band, trying out for drum major, summer, exc... keeps reminding me of him. And honestly, I feel like I'm missing something. One of my friends says they sense a connection still there. To me it just seems like there's something he didn't tell me. I mean, we have our moments where it's like nothing happened and we're still friends. Almost like before when I was happy. But when both he and I realize what's going on, we go back to our affairs of divorcees and go back to silence.

I hate this but I'm also realistic. I'm tired of wishing that we could go back to what we had but it's not going to happen....
I have to keep telling myself that him and me getting back together is not going to happen.
Why do I want him back?
I need to keep my head high and be mature about this. It makes no sense to wish a guy back. Especially when you're in high school. It's almost immature.

...


Then why am I praying for things to go back to the way they were?!?! TELL ME GOD WHY?!?!
It's not like he's going to hear me, and it's not like he wants me back.