You're my personal form of Gravity

Today, I changed my Facebook status from single to it's complicated. I'm not seeing anyone nor am I fooling around with anyone. It's just that... well, it's complicated.
What would you say if everything you thought you knew was wrong? And what would you say if just one detail changed everything about your life?
I found out something that just made me think of alot of things at the moment.
Like I said... it's complicated.
Let's just say that I find it odd that the very same person who let me go into freefall by letting me go has also kept my feet on the ground and weighed me down to reality, only to have his agony make me stronger. He's my gravity and I just don't know waht to think about that. Especially with what I know know and what I can't share with the world. It's not something he did. It's just that after all this time and after the closure I found, it's like gravity. You can't go on without it and you don't think about it but when you do, you realize how every step you take from that moment on and everytime you fall and pick yourself right back up is because of that one little factor. And I hate it that he's it.
Yup. My gravity. I don't have to like it, but it's there. It gives him too much importance.

Look at the stars... look how they shine for you...

One of the strangest nights happened to me last night. I went to the movies with an old visionary of my past., just shooting the breeze. We went to the mall kind of late to catch one of the last movies of the night. It was quiet and somewhat relaxing to go to to the mall. It was quiet and somewhat unsettling to go so late. No one was around so we walked the mall together, talking and eventually we went in and watched the movie. We talked and laughed and still I find it odd that we both could relate entirely to the characters. It was quiet and subtle and exactly the right moment to be each other. In a mall with no one around on a quiet Saturday night, accompanied by someone who changed my life, I was finally unafraid to be vulnerable.
I got home and we spent the entire night on the phone... until my battery died. The conversation's contents will never be spoken of again but I can tell you that when my phone finally died, I couldn't sleep. It's strange how when you think life is beginning to settle down, there's a curveball thrown at you. I've contemplated this though before but never like this.

Don't Feel Afraid

So the milestones symbolizing one year blogging and one year of being single have come and gone. It was indeed surreal for me but now before me lies the rest of my life, unscarred so far and only the greatest gift anyone could ever recieve... the unknown.

On March 23rd, I walked the halls of school and went through the motions of another day. I went the whole day without anybody knowing what day it was or how far I had come. I went the day just like everyone else. It was liberating and a proud moment for me.

On March 26th, I ran into Alex and while it wasn't the greatest thing for me to indulge myself in irony, I went through the motions. I got to see my afformentioned long lost friend (the one who met my Russian penpal, haha). We laughed we talked, we caught up and I had a great time. I went on to win 1st place in Editorial Writing and advance to Regionals for the second year in a row. Score.

But, with everything great come other things we have to deal with. Nate and I had a conversation and he finally realized I'm not slowing down anytime soon and it's best to just let me keep going.

Translation? I scared off another guy. It's a yay/eh type of moment. While (and I'l scream this if I have to) I'M CLEARLY NOT READY for a relationship, a guy who hasn't given up on me after months is kind of scary. Being involved in all this relationship nonsense (or at least getting close) drove me nuts but then again, in the words of John Mayer

"Changes in life are like extra strength Gold Bond Medicated Powder. The burning means it's working."

In case you're wondering where I got this from, I'm on Twitter ^^. Still, very true minus the gross underlying thought behind it. lol

So, what's next? Who knows, but all I know is I've got alot of things to wrap up before school and everything else.