An Attempt to blog again (Day 94)

Hello, world!
I just got back from band camp && I've got tons to talk about, considering the impacting week I've had but seeing as I haven't blogged in forever, here's my cheap attempt to get my blogging skills going again before I attempt to tell you my week at band camp (which will probably end in story overkill. :P) This is Survey #1 of DD.







1. Hows your life going?
I can't complain, though it would be nice if it were better.

2. What are you going to do this month?
With what's left of it, no clue.

3. Have you ever made or sung a song for someone?
Yes, that's how it generally works when you're a songwriter.,..

4. Something good happen today?
I woke up after an incredibly long sleep, cleaned my room and helped the environment by converting Carbon Dioxide into Oxygen...

5. Favorite Quote?
Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs.

6. What do you want to get done by Next year?
Be a Freshman college student in a University far away from where I live, learn how to drive, audition for American Idol and hopefully write that one great song.


7. One thing you wanna do this winter?
Have a happy blissful winter where I'm done with all my college applications.


8. Where do you want to go on vacation?
California or maybe even New York.

9. Halloween... You going?
Yes, I will definitely be celebrating Halloween. I don't care if I'm too old.

10. One person you're mad at right now?
Well, Alex (I'll get to that later) and Sam.

11. Favorite Chip?
Chocolate chip! lol

12. What did you do last weekend?
I washed my bedsheets and packed my clothes to go to band camp.

13. What are you doing this weekend?
Washing my clothes again to get ready to go to Laredo!

14. Do you owe anyone something?
I'm sure I do; I just can't think at the top of my head right now.

15. What are you gonna do for your birthday?
Hopefully, celebrate with friends and family.

16. What do you wanna do when you grow up?
Be a journalist, be a songwriter, be a politician, be a singer, be a writer... I hate the term "grow up"... it makes it sound like you're six and have this surreal idea of being alive. I prefer being told "when I get older."

17. One celebrity you would like to meet?
Make that celebrities... I want to meet Elizabeth Taylor, Christian Siriano, Jon Foreman (Switchfoot), Anne Hathaway... the list goes on and on...

18. Do you have a significant other?
No, and the reason for this is the inspiration for this blog.

19. Favorite comedian?
Ellen Degeneres

21. Best feeling in the world?
Happiness

22. Favorite thing to do?
Sing

23. Least favorite Subject?
Math

24. One thing you wish you knew how to do?
Speak Latin

25. Something you would say to someone you hate?
Some way or another, your hate is making me a better person.

26. What are you doing right now?
Babysitting, writing this and reading up on Michael Jackson's career.

27. Last road trip you took?
To Kingsville for Band Camp.

28. What can't you wait for next summer?
Because next summer means I'm going to college and getting away from my town!!

29. Whats on your mind?
Music.

30. Why?
Because I just left a music camp and I'm fixing my iPod.

31. Why did you do this?
Because I needed to get the randomness out of my system.

Day 87

Tomorrow is the next stop on my plan packed summer... tomorrow, I leave for band camp.
Yes, band camp, notorious for so many perverted things. I, however, see it as an opportunity to advance and grow in the music community... without the looming prospect of Alex in the background. I've got my suitcase packed, my iPod loaded, and my mind clear. I'm really looking forward to being away for a while... I mean, wouldn't you be if the crappy town you lived refused to let you forget the shitty things that happen to you? This town is too small... my high school is too small... to let anything slip under the radar, especially when I'm considered by some to be infallible.

The truth is, I'm not. I'm still struggling with him and my past every day. My breakup with Alex is like having allergies. Some days you're good, and others the irritation get so bad that it's impossible to ignore. Sure, you can try something to alleviate the symptoms but the condition is still there underneath, just waiting for a flair-up.

This summer is my last chance to patch myself up for good and pick up the pieces of my personal life. Sure I'm a perfectionist, while some call me an over achiever... maybe I'm guilty of being both. But the one thing I will definitely admit to is the fact that I put my professional life first, and my personal life second. My friends first, myself second. My family ALWAYS first, myself second.a I'm seventeen and already I have a highly anticipated future and respectable career as the high school activist. I'm the head of so many things and yet, I'm not even in control of my own life.
Like I said, this is my last chance to be different and run the reins of my own life for once. Once I go to college and begin this highly anticipated career, it will be way too late and I am destined to be a boring politician, so I better start now. That way I can at least be an interesting person in control of my own life.
So band camp, here I come and self-discovery is up next...

Day 69-82

Yes, I'm fully aware I disappeared. Sorry. Not my fault. Well it kind of is but not intentionally.

Within these days, my Junior year ended, my closest friends in the Class of 2009 graduated and I went on a whirlwind adventure thousands of miles from home.

First, the last day of my Junior year. It didn't feel like the last day of school, at least until I went into the band hall and saw at least 40 Seniors clustered into packs, crying their eyes out. Honestly, I felt for them but scrambled for the door. It wasn't until I was in the car with my mom that I remembered my band banquet was that night... and I had somehow managed to get hold of a date... and I had a dress I'd been fretting over for weeks in my closet. So I got home, and got dressed, and fixed my hair, and called my date. I arrived at the reception hall to see my date, my old forgotten ex-turned-friend, Sam. He moved a few years back and I hadn't physically seen him in quite a long time, and to be honest I wouldn't have recognized him if he passed me in the street. He hit a major growth spurt and was not at about 6 feet, gained muscle from football and now had bleached blond hair as a result from the constant exposure to chlorinated water that only comes from being on the swim team. I lucked out. This good looking, nice guy was taking me to my band banquet and Alex was dateless according to the rumor mill.


Then things got complicated. At my banquet, Sam opened the door for me, then went to get me a drink... total gentleman. That is, until he reached for my hand and interlocked his fingers, couple style. I looked at him, and he smiled back. Stupidly, I went along with it. The entire night he held my hand, held me like my boyfriend on the dance floor and even wrapped his arms around me when we sat down. All this was fine and dandy except... well... I'm single and I haven't seen you in forever! Once I got home, I fell asleep completely confused.

The next morning, I finally got the guts to ask him if he was just having fun or he still had feelings for me... He then told me it was a mix of both. Then Sam has the nerve to tell me about his girlfriend- whom he was "on break" with. Sure I may be single and a bit lonely but I am not stupid. I told him not to call me until he made up his mind. So he left it at that, and didn't call me. Good thing too.

Now for graduation... in my 3 years of playing at graduation with the band, no ceremony has ever been quite as unconventional as this year's graduation. Personally, I was very attached to the class of 2009, so it was only fitting that this year's ceremony was different. The salutatorian cried, the Valedictorian ( a friend of mine since Junior High) quoted Al Pacino in his speech and it made me laugh. I cheered for every single one of my friends and I went hoarse shortly after. Mostly though, I cried. I cried and smeared my eyeliner on their burnt orange gowns. I cried and took pictures and hugged them to death. Then I went home and packed my bags.

I got home around midnight (mostly due to horrible traffic, a given in a small town with two high schools) and made my last minute packing adjustments. I ended up waking up around 4, only to come back to the band hall . Me along with about 50 band kids braved the early morning and boarded a bus to California. Oh, did I mention Alex and his mom were on the bus too? Yeahhh... fun stuff...

The first 24 hours were difficult. I can only assume that a flight would have been more comfortable because sleeping in subzero air conditioning temperatures in a cramped seat without the ability to change into my pajamas. I did though, get my very first Hollister shirt when the band stopped in El Paso, Texas for a shopping break. I did, though, get peace. You have no idea how blissful it is to lose cell phone reception and see the sun set in New Mexico. THAT was beautiful.

Also, somewhere between the freaky time change from Central to Pacific , I developed time change insomnia, resulting me in staying awake for the long ride through Arizona. I looked out the window to mountain silhouettes, inspiring the heavy thinking that only comes with lack of sleep. I thought about everything in that ride through Arizona. I thought about Alex, about Sam, about myself and everything that had happened to me in the past year. I thought and contemplated and after what seemed like forever, I finally fell asleep.

For the extent of my 5 day trip, I did some fun stuff and some unbelievable stuff. I ate a grand slam at a California Denny's where I got ripped off $5 for a glass of orange juice. I ventured Disneyland like a little kid and got two tattoos. (Temporary, dummy! I'm still not 18!) Out of the unbelievable? I enjoyed the second day at Disneyland with Alex's mom. Yes, it was awkward when you think of the idea of me spending the day vacationing with my ex 's mother but in reality it was fun. We're both natural conversationalists so there was never a quiet awkward moment. Surprisingly enough, when Alex did come up in the conversation, I didn't freak or go quiet. I was actually enjoying the stories she was telling me of Alex and Andrew as kids. I guess it's just easier to imagine your ex as a kid rather than a fully blown semi-mature/semi-immature jerk. I don't care how much I hate him. Imagining Alex as a little boy brings a smile to my face. And to top it off, I later found out from my friends on the trip that he was bitching and nagging the entire time about how I killed his vacation and how it was so uncool to be hanging with his mom. So I gave him a break; I hung out on my own with my friends in LA.

On the last day in California, the band ate on the famous Boardwalk on the Santa Monica pier. The coastline was absolutely beautiful, and I had never even seen a real ocean shore before in my life. I was simply at peace. That is, until I went to clean up and go put on my shoes on before getting on the Boardwalk. I sat at the edge of the lifeguard station (they were off duty) to go put on my Converse. I gazed at the sunset and saw David. I waved; he glared at me, gave me a horrid, angry look and walked off, leaving me alone. Once he left, I cried. It was at that moment that I felt so lonely. While I realized that I miss what he used to be, I need to respect myself. I need to be on my own two feet and not crawling on my two knees.

The last day of my adventure was spent in Las Vegas. I got my portrait drawn by an amazing artist and got my final tattoo of a butterfly with stars. Then, after watching the Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur (great show, btw... you've gotta watch it if you're ever in Vegas) I bought myself a ring that resembles a princess's crown as a final reminder that my prince charming might come my way someday. (Yes, it's cheesy. I'm aware of it but whatever works)

And just like that, my week away was over and done with. I ended up falling asleep on the bus's FLOOR and woke up in New Mexico. While it sucked that things turned sour, I was pretty glad that I'm free until I arrived home at 3 AM local time. When I got off the bus, I was greeted by Alex's dad, and pretty cheerfully too, considering it was 3AM and I resembled Morticia Addams in pink plannel pajamas when I got off the bus. He smiled and offered to give me a ride home but when I told him that my mom was already waiting for me, he offered to carry my luggage to the car. I would have totally taken hi up on his offer, given the bloated state of my suitcase and the 10 plastic shopping bags I had in my hands but I saw the peeved, irritated and 3-in-the-morning-cranky-face that Alex had and I politely declined. Yes I'm free but I'm not stupid. I can do things myself. Alex's mom was smiling, Alex's dad was smiling... everyone except me and Alex. If I haven't said it once, I'll say it again, I am free.; I am free for the rest of the summer. The rest of it is mine... all mine and I can't wait for the rest of my journey.

As always, some days being single are empowering... others defeating. As every broken heart can tell you, it's a groeing process.

Sorry it's long but hey... I was gone for 14 days. =]

Day 68

Well, it's been a long weekend that's had the weird misfortune of being both incredibly quick and horridly slow. Yes. The paradox suits my weekend perfectly.
While I didn't become drum major, I actually became section leader for the Saxophones, my instrument. I'm downright pleased with the way everything turned out.Even more, I've symbolically liberated myself. Right after tryouts, without knowing what the results were I've got what looks like an incredibly booked summer.
I leave for California on Sunday, right after graduation. It's all finally coming to an end I guess...
Then, once I get back I've got band camp (PLEASE don't start with the band camp jokes! lol I'm going because I'm section leader. =P) Then, It's straight to Journalism camp for me. (I got the Editor-in-Chief position =D) Right after that, I've got Senior portraits/American Idol auditions unitl I finally wrap it up with Freshman summer band where I teach the fishies how to march in the band.

It's a whirlwind of summer plans but really, I'm just thrilled I get to escape reality for a bit before I come abck and see Alex. Hopefully, I'll have changed. Hopefully, I'll be more carefree. And hopefully (this is a big Hope) I'll have forgotten him in midst of all the miles I've traveled.