Packing Up

I only have three official days left of school starting tomorrow. My cap and gown are hanging in my mom's closet and I've already started planning out a few things. Aaaannd I just accidentally just set a spatula on fire. So maybe I'm not ready to move out of the house just yet but the fact that it's a closer possibility than ever is exciting. Even so, it seems a bit strange that I'm leaving high school. I accomplished my main goal: survive high school without letting it eat you alive. I'm also ending this blog within the next week and it too has seen it's goal: documenting my life post-breakup and seeing myself out of it. While I admit, I may have kept this going for quite some time, it's hard to let go of the progress that's happened in a year. Still, it's gonna be worth it.

I find myself surrounded by yearbooks, captions written by people I know in my own yearbook and endless announcements of graduation rehearsal, invitations and tickets in case the weather's bad. Who would have ever thought I would be here, with or without Alex, happy or not... Who would have ever thought I'd be here now? I surely didn't. I've been so busy trying to see and plan my future that I forgot to see my own present. Now it's all happening. Hold on, Jen. Your time is coming.

Funny Girl

Cap and gown? Check.
Class ring? Check.
Invitations? Check.
Decorations for grad party? Check.
Evil Teacher who wanted to fail me but didn't? Covered.
Memory book? Got it.
Yearbook? You betcha.
Person who gets me? You're stuck there.

It's my last few days before graduation and before I throw high school away and get ready to move, I have everything ready to go... minus that. Cheers to moving on. lol
These are the few days before i let my blog go.
I've decided to officially end my blog and stop writing on June 6th, the day after my graduation party and the last day anything significant happens before I start college. Get ready world. I've got a new story brewing, a book coming, and a new blog in the works.
Now where did I leave my Glee soundtrack?

Pumpkin

Last night was my senior prom. I didn't go, choosing to stay home and think every so often to how my friends could be possibly having a good time. I'm okay with the decision, given that everything just worked out that way. Lately I've been faced with some personal issues, like someone harrasing me on my formspring account and filling out graduation invitations. I'm losing touch with reality to a certain extent. Like for some reason, I half expected a fairy godmother to show up and send me to the ball where I would meet my prince charming and fall in love.
Like that ever happens in real life. Either way, I'm a week and a half away from my personal escape. No more Alex in my closet, no more personal ghosts, just the blissful unknown and freedom.
Just please don't turn my carriage into a pumpkin.

Warwick Avenue

I'm almost done with senior year. I find it funny how this past weekend, I managed to cross off a big part of my list of things to do before graduation. I went to Regionals for Journalism and went out with a bang at this year's Senior talent Show. With the closing sense of nostalgia, I feel more powerful than ever.


This was my second year attending academic regionals and I had a blast. I went and competed in journalism which was quite a change, given the usual stuffiness of public speaking I usually compete in. I was surrounded by journalism maniacs, just like me and for the first time in a long time felt like I belonged. My teammates and I had fun walking the college campus where the meet was held and shared some incredible laughs. Then we went to this restaurant where it had indoor games and somehow I found myself comfortable. Okay, so I may have lost horribly playing mini-golf (I think I was 30 over par) but I did redeem myself at go-karts! However, it did slip my mind that this Saturday in particular was Alex's birthday. Hah. Talk about loss of thought.
The Sunday afterwards was one night I've been looking forward to for years: my senior talent show. After cringing in horror with the reality that one of my biggest performances was that day, I decided not to be rude and text Alex, to ask how his birthday went. We've been getting along fairly well so it seems to be like a harmless enough question to ask. What I got? His rude, aloof, mildly impolite self. He referred to my question as stupid and redundant. 
What I did? I ignored it and went on with my day. Like I reeally needed more stress.But (and there's always a BUT) things only got worse though as my day progressed. I left the house without my class ring, something I haven't taken off since I got it in January. By the time I realized that it was in it's ring box back home, it was too late to go back.
At sound check, my microphone wouldn't work with the amp. I'd also forgotten one of my outfits for the first song I planned to sing, despite steaming it and hanging it on my bed to take with me. The sound crew's music person was AWOL, meaning there was a strong possibility that my instrumental track was missing too. The iPod cord to connect to the sound system was faulty so there went my backup plan. The sound crew couldn't get the wireless microphone to work for my second song so there was a possibility that my entire participation in the senior talent show was ruined.
OF COURSE, I spoke too soon. After attempting dress rehearsal without music, without a microphone and without anything good happening, I changed out of my second dress. I'd searched like crazy for the perfect outfit for my second song and was pretty attached to the dress I found. Just as I was unzipping the back of my dress when my zipper got stuck. I turned over to see what happened and literally my zipper burst completely. I wanted to cry...
With only half an hour until opening curtain, I called my mom. She was already at the show and NOT going to just take me home to get another outfit. With that information at hand, I didn't bother to tell her my dress was now revealing most of my back. So now what?
I called the one person I knew would help me out that wasn't already in the audience: my old friend Val. She picked me up within 5 minutes. We made a mad dash to my house (including her hilarious as hell road rage comments). I got the extra dress I needed, some cash, a backup dress in case and a jacket. Funny enough, I STILL forgot my class ring. We stopped at every gas station and dollar store in between my house trying to find some place with safety pins. Lo and behold, we got them and using Val's spare change from her car (which I'm sure she was thrilled to get rid of)
I made it with ten minutes until opening curtain. My performance was a success. I managed to pull off the 2 wardrobe changes, the music guy came with all the music, the tech crew got ONE cordless mike to work and I managed to pull off my biggest worry. Here are the two songs I did for the talent show. The dress that was pinned together was the yellow/black/white ensemble for "Don't Rain On My Parade".







After everything that day, I was riding on a wave of confidence. Very much in the deja vu that tends to happen to me, it reminded me of one of the last things Alex attended. He showed up to last year's Junior talent show but then immediately left. We broke up a few days later. While I knew nobody aside from my parents was in the audience was waiting for me, it didn't depress me like last year. It was good to have my own moment to think for myself. I've had enough of this crap.
I haven't called Alex since that day and I'm not looking back, but on my way home, I did sing "Warwick Avenue" by Duffy. I'm not going to post the lyrics. You can do that yourself but I can say that the talent show was my wake up-call to not come back to this never ending cycle I've been in for a year. If you listen to the song, I think you'll get the story.