Day 48

Prom was this past Saturday.
Today was shitty.
I woke up Sunday morning with a sore throat, and now I'm at home with a fever and feeling as sick as fuck. It is NOT the swine flu, I'm positive. But I still feel sick. In comes the loneliness, the emptiness I've been feeling since prom. Now prom was fun and I hung out with my friends like old times but I couldn't help but think that Alex might have actually been there and that's where it hit me. As much as I like Andrew and as much as I thought I'd moved on, I still miss Alex. Both are great guys and both of them decided that it just wasn't going to work with me. It's a complicated feeling to miss two people, one more particularly because of the void they left. This leaves me a bit sad but I'll just have to deal with it.
I had to deal with it today when I had my first drum major practice and half of my marchers didn't show up. I'm glad the other half did but it's hard to control a group when your throat is so sore, your losing your voice. I yelled with intensity, battled the 103 Texas heat and practiced with what I had but now I'm tired, weakened and without a voice. I also had to ask Alex to be in my drill. As much as I didn't want to, he's a quick learner and can concentrate. What surprised me even more was that he actually answered my call and didn't hang up on me... and he agreed he'd be in my drill. Well that's that. I've got to set aside heartache and work strictly buisness this week and next week. I want this so bad, that I've got to keep fighting. Past being sick, past working with the one who broke my heart and past all my boundaries. Even if I don't get it, I can say I gave it everything. Now I just need to see what's going on with Andrew... he hasn't answered my calls today. The friend thing is working, even though I still like him. Hopefully it gets better over time. Well for me at least...