Day 6 [Written 3/29/09]

Someone once told me that the best way to forget somebody is to write letter to the person who broke your heart explaining every feeling you had and then bun the letter, as a symbolic way to allow your hurt to burn. I tried that today but I stop myself, usually caught up in a memory then too distressed to continue.
Today I finally made sense out of why Alex and I didn't and probably weren't going to last. The truth was that at a time, we were both identical yet had enough differences to keep things interesting. He was smart, funny, caring... everything I could've ever wanted. Simply put, he changed. He has become an uncanny duplicate of his brother.
Even before I met Alex, I despised Andrew. Andrew thinks I'm prissy, hyper, and self disillusioned... in other words... a total psycho. I always thought (and still think) that he's lewd, self centered, tacky, vulgar, and every bit of a player that can be possible. He may possess some philosophy or sense of self deep within himself and no offense to the guy but he never was that nice to me in the first place and I'm not particularly attracted to the party animal type either. Alex is better than that (or was, rather) and his boyish charm was what attracted me to him in the first place. Sadly, but surely though, he's developed his mannerisms and sense of humor and every now and then, for a spilt second Alex turns into Andrew when he laughs, and they look identical.
I just don't see how Andrew could be as tawdry as he is if he's got an incredible family who is definitely not tawdry. Either way, it was inevitable that Alex head that route. As much as I love him, I could never stand to date an Andrew-lookalike, much less his twin.
I've been single for almost a week. It's time i do something for myself. I can exist alone. As an almost adult, I make my first adult decision.
I forgive him, completely. Though I'm not going to forget, I choose to keep going. I've seen enough misery and he doesn't deserve my sorrow anyways. March 24 was the day he broke my heart. March 29 was the day I started to put it together myself