Day 3 [Written 3/26/09]

Andrew talked to me today. Of all people, I never thought he'd have anything to say to me. It turns out he didn't after all. This morning wasn't all that great. I woke and my good mood from yesterday. They say that every morning starts out good... until you wake up. Now I know what they mean now.I'm not feeling all that confident. My friends are trying and I can tell. When does the nightmare end and when does life begin? Needless to say, I had to escape everything for just a moment, if only a moment. I escaped to my old hideaway, he one he and I used to go to just to shoot the breeze and talk. I sat there and thought. I took out my iPod and started to play Scrabble, still thinking and trying to make sense of everything. I guess it must've been a while because out of nowhere, Andrew comes up and says in his sarcastic voice, "What the hell are you doing here?" I stupidly replied," playing Scrabble." The game was always somewhat of a stress reliever and worrying about triple word scores took me to a good place. It's the only thing I didn't delete from my iPod for reminding me of him. "Go inside. Stop with the mellodramatic high school shit," said Andrew, then left.
Of all the conversations, that one is probably the one I'll play in my head for the rest of my life. Andrew may be a total arse but that may have been the nicest and only way he could really tell me to try to move on from his brother. I wish I could but I can't just forget 1/3 of my year. Seventeen weeks of my Junior year. How can I forget Homecoming, Christmas, New Year''s, Valentine's Day and my birthday? How can he?
Everyone's worried and honestly, so one's as worried as me. I'm trying to find the life I had but it's gone. He erased evey memory of my old life. I'm alone. I'm surrounded by people yet not one of them brings me what I want. I want him back, if not I want him to at least hold me one last time, to give me something to hold onto. What's left of me now?
They all say the same thing: I'm talented, smart, pretty, and I'll eventually wind up going places. They make it sound like I've got everything goign for me. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. The one thing they don't mention is how I lost the love of my life and how I lost my best friend.