Alas, breaking up is hard to do...

It's seen in quite a few movies. The idea of a person, being vulnerable and choosing to take a step of support in order to better themselves and take their friends off their backs. It's the scene in the movie where a recovering addict of whatever form steps up out of a dark circle and says " Hi. My name is [insert name] and I'm an [insert addiction]. I am recovering."

I'll tell you this much. Hi. My name is Jen. I'm not an addict but rather a victim. Like countless people in the world, I'm recovering from a breakup. I'm tired of getting dumped. 99% of my relationships (no joke) have ended in my heart shattering. It's a cycle that continues to get on my nerves. However, in spite of my misery, I've chosen to document the ongoing pain to help others who may be feeling what I am now, or just to get everything out of my system. It's like an addiction anonymous meeting, but I'm going public. In order to get me though, let me explain my situation.

I'm a 17 year old Junior nearing the end of the school. As far as I know there's nothing wrong with me. I'm a well known girl on campus with a reputation for making a difference. I've been involved with my graduating class for my entire high school career. I'm a member of the band and a singer in the varsity Mariachi group. (I live on the border) I'm the news/feature editor of my high school's newspaper, The Herald and was head of the Homecoming comittee this year. I'm involved with student politics and I got nominated for "Most Spirited" in the Yearbook and got voted "Favorite Junior" by the Band. I have a good stable circle of friends. I'm in the top 25% of my class and I've never gotten into any serious trouble. I have a life and it includes school and friends. I guess you could say I'm pretty popular but not in the preppy, varsity Jock sort of way.

However, my love life sucks and for the most part I've begun relationships and had them end horribly. One guy broke up with me through email. Another made me dump him by cheating on me with my best friend. Another claimed to be drunk when he asked me out. The more recent ones left me for acting like a Freshman (during my Freshman year!) and for not seeing him often enough (he lived 123 miles away from me). I'd basically given up on the male species, given the circumstances.

It seemed as though my luck had changed when I met *Alex [name changed] He was a Freshman but slowly grew to be one of my closest friends. He helped me through my last breakup (remember the Drunk guy?) and soon, we ended up talking non-stop. Because we were in band together, he understood my busy schedule and also understood my real alibi for not dating. It didn't take me too long to figure out he was crushing on me and I was turning him down in my head already. Relationships got me into sticky situations I didn't need to be a part of. My closest friends begged and pleaded for me to give him a chance. They said I couldn't be alone forever and he'd shown more compassion for me than anybody else I'd ever dated. So 2 days before Homecoming, I decided to talk to him and tell him straight up that I'd known he liked me for weeks and (in my own words) "if you do decide to ask me out... well, I don't bite." The next day, he asked me to give him a chance, sharing that his milage with girls wasn't good either. He got cheated on too and his last girlfriend dated him, then dumped him, then told his entire school all of his secrets (he moved to the town his 8th grade year).

So from there it began, me skeptical at first. Within 2 weeks, I decided it wasn't so bad after all and that there were some good guys left in the world. For 4 months we grew close. He promised to stay by me for good, and to never doubt him. Everytime I had problems, he listened. I could call him at 4 AM if I had a nightmare and he would answer, just to tell me everything was alright. I met his entire family, down to cousins and uncles and older brothers, even nephews. I knew his dog, his parents, his hobbies outside of school. I got him involved in school and was learning how to shoot so I could go play paintball with him one of these days. He was supposed to go with me to prom and to get my tattoo when I turned 18. He was by my side through everything, going to all of my performances. I exchanged conversation with his mom, my love for mariachi music with his dad, and even braved the show barn when he entered his lamb into the stock show. He was always polite, and took me to restaurants I would have never thought I would fall in love with. We shared similarities and differences, and everything seemed to be great. I had already gotten him a new pair of Oakley sunglasses for his birthday as a thank you for the Steriling Silver James Avery charm and charm bracelet he got me for Christmas and my birthday.

I canceled my order when 3 days ago, Alex aside and decided that it was best that we break up. He cited my "clingyness" as his excuse and left it at that. No real explanation, just simple fuckwittage. I was heartbroken and he remained cold, quite a surprise to me considering he was really affectionate and lovable when we went to the carnival just a few days earlier. It's been days and I'm still hurt. Badly. He's moved on... fucker.

As a journalist, it has been said that in order to write well you must write what you know. This is what I know. I'm well versed (if not somewhat an expert) on being dumped, through no fault of my own. I've never cheated, I've never done anything overly rebellious and keep my hands and eyes to myself. I'm fed up with getting dumped by TENFOLD. This should be the last time I get dumped for a freason. Now that you know my situation, you'll understand why I'm choosing to document this. I want to help the female dumpees of the world to see why losers and jerks continue to dump us (as well as whywe continue to allow ourselves this type of agonizing, self-doubting humiliation to go on. Likewise, I'd love this blog to be a lesson to the males of this planet as to what women go through during a breakup and why you should stop dumping us! Forget "he's just not that into you"... we KNOW you're just not that into us, but you also need to know that we suffer.

So women of the universe, share your thoughts with me while I share with you my pain of moving on.