5 Months, 3 Weeks, and 1 Day since The Split

You know, I just realized I'm at a stage in my life that isn't exactly the greatest , especially given the timing. On the year that is supposed to determine my entire future, I've discovered that I'm incredibly lonely. I have the isolation crisis that most single, middle aged women get in their thirties. I'm seventeen.
Right now, my life is about going to class early, long rehearsal hours, long study hours, coming home to reheat my dinner (and eating alone while finishing homework), showering in the morning because I'm too tired to move, and the intense determination to do everything because it means the satisfaction that comes with a job well done. I feel old in soul and my body can't keep up with what my mind wants it to do. To make this story short, I'm losing toch with my life. I guess I'm not a kid anymore.
It's frustrating because despite the good future building possibilities I have, there's no one to share with. My parents have their own worries and while I love them for supporting me, they never did what I'm doing now so they don't really get it. My best friend lives hundreds of miles away and because we're running in different directions right now, I hardly get to hear from him and I miss him dearly. The one person who became a part of my life and made things simple is gone.
Gone... Sometimes I catch myself saying that so much that it almost sounds like he's dead and I'm mourning his death. In a way, this was worse than having him alive and dwelling the earth because just knowing that someone who loved you and said the very words that made you the most vulnerable is still walking the planet in cold bitterness hating your very existence is the worst feeling in the world. At leas those who mourn the dead know their beloved loved them during their lifetime. Our relationship didn't go far physically but emotionally, he meant the world and knowing that he hates me and never wants to be in my presence is the worst of it all. That's what tears me apart.
That's why I feel lonely. I want to forget him and forget his hatred. I deserve to be loved and taken care of. I have every right to be happy. I only know of one person in the world who even sees me that way and his identity is only known to me as Penny
The thing about Penny is that while he excites me, he borderline frustrates me. I don't know who he is or what he looks like. I simply know him through words in a text message. I can't involve him in my life when his identity is a mystery to me. He could be anybody and there's nothing concrete about it. What sounds like a good concept in my mind gives me nothing physical nor tangible to grasp. That just drives me insane.
I want someone to hold my hand, to surprise me with spontaneous conversation... to bring me flowers and give me a new outlook on life. Right now, my mind finds itself a wee bit stretched... bordering on insanity. I'm getting flashbacks of memories and days spent with Alex. I wake up and hear his voice whispering in my ear. I walk the hallways and catch a whiff of his cologne or hear his voice even though I know he's in class hundreds of miles away.
Help, anybody?
Even though I know why I'm holding on so tight, I need to forget what I want and remember what I deserve.